The Worst Male Performance Ever

I had originally assembled a list of a couple dozen, but I ended up voting for one that was not on my original list. Here's the methodology I applied to narrow down my selection. With every performance, I asked myself "Could Costner have done this worse with underacting? Could Burton have done this worse with overacting?" And that led me to eliminate choice after choice. Shaq - sure he was bad, but give Burton that role and he would have put Shaq to shame .....blah, blah, blah.

I could only come up with one performance that was so unabashedly bad that I can't imagine it being any worse under any set of circumstances. Give the role to Burton, to Costner, to any kid in a high school play, and they could do better. My choice: Glen Campbell in True Grit. If you haven't seen it, rent it. It can't be believed.

Here were the final champions as selected by you, and you guys did a great job on these selections. I don't think any panel could make a better choice! It almost ended up a four-way tie!

Tied for first place, and deservedly so

Shaquille O'Neill - Kazaam Vanilla Ice "Cool as Ice"

Tied for third place, but with only one less vote than the winners. Therefore, tied for first place among the guys who make their living as actors.

Kevin Costner, Robin Hood Stallone "Rhinestone"

These guys should have known better.

Costner is good in his jock movies, and was even respected for Dances with Wolves, but he sure screwed this pooch. It isn't a bad movie, and Costner's lack of an English accent doesn't matter. After all, nobody else tried to emulate English in the time of the Plantagenets either.

These things do matter::

1. He tried (unsuccessfully) to use an English accent in some scenes, not in others.

2. He played the part with no enthusiasm or charisma. I mean, who has more charisma than Robin Hood, for heaven's sake? Men followed him just because he stirred them. But Costner was just one of the guys in the official merrymen democracy, kinda like their star shortstop, and his call-to-action speech to them consisted of a hearty man-to-man mumble like: "OK, the sheriff isn't that good a guy and maybe we could stop him ... or maybe we could just take in a show instead. Whatever you guys think"

The Washington Post printed a very perceptive review of Costner's performance. This link will take you there

Unlike Costner, Stallone knew full well he would look stupid in this role. He hoped that his self-mockery would prove to be funny. He was right. I think, though, that he thought people would be laughing with him. His performance of the Drinkenstein song is an unforgettable screen moment that should be taped and treasured each year with the kids, like "It's A Wonderful Life".

Fifth place: Keanu Reeves in "Dracula". Despite what critics say about him, Keanu has been fine in some action pics and comedies. Let's hope that he never chooses another period drama, and that he never attempts either deep emotion or an accent. Are he and Costner the same guy?

Sixth place: Bill Shatner, the man the others look up to. Whether it comes down to bad acting or bad singing, if you don't know Shat, you don't know shit.

Seventh Place Bill Cosby in Leonard, Part 6

Picture says it all

Eighth Place: Mickey Rourke in "Francesco". A masterstroke of casting. Who better to play Francis of Assisi, humble servant of God, pacificist, asexual lover of all humanity, all nature, and all of God's creations? I guess they chose The Mickster because, like Francis, he often whipped out his wanger in public and he never combed his hair. Makes sense to me.

From Mick's impressive pecs and shoulders, I learned a new dimension of Francis's personality. Mystic, mendicant, gym rat.

Ninth place: the great might-have-been. Roger Moore could have been the most incompetent actor in a continuing role, if only Bill Shatner had never been born.

Tenth Place: John Wayne in "The Conqueror"

The Duke as Genghis Khan. The Mickey Rourke of his own time. Check out these links. 1 2 3

The second ten:

11. Steve Gutenberg, Can't Stop the Music

12. Tom Arnold in The Stupids

13. Mick Jagger, Ned Kelly

14. Ed Wood, Glen or Glenda

15. Burt Reynolds, At Long Last Love

15. Gerard Depardieu, 1492: Conquest of Paradise

15. Glen Campbell, True Grit

15. Howie Mandel, Walk Like a Man

19. Tony Curtis, The Black Shield of Falworth

20. Anson Williams, I Married a Centerfold

20. Richard Burton, Exorcist 2


Your homework.

Bone up for the voting for Worst Picture. I believe this link will provide essential information. "100 Years, 200 stinkers"

Bone up for the voting for Worst Song. I believe this link will provide essential information. All the lyrics to some of the worst of the 70's.