Virgin Territory


by Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Virgin Territory is an attempt to create an Elizabethan-style comedy with modern dialogue, rock music, and a contemporary level of nudity. It tales place in Florence with the plague raging through the city, and the central character is a beautiful maiden whose father's death has left her in unfortunate financial straits. Before he passed away, she had expected to submit to an arranged marriage to a wealthy Russian count, but dad's untimely demise has left her family's country estate in the hands of an unscrupulous Italian aristocrat, and she will have to marry him if she wants to continue living on the grounds where she grew up. To make matters more complicated, she is actually secretly in love with a third suitor, a penniless rogue.

The plot includes the usual Elizabethan devices. There are several people pretending to be who and what they are not, including a puckish painter posing as a priest. There is a woman making love anonymously to a blindfolded lover who must later identify her by her kiss. There are plenty  of flashing swords, and about five romantic sub-plots. On top of all those conceits, there is also an encampment of horny gypsies who kidnap unsuspecting wayfarers, and a convent full of horny nuns who promise a paradise of poontang to any man who is suitably discreet and suitably randy. There is plenty of comic relief from both major and minor characters. There's also also lots of nudity: breasts everywhere, and copious buns from people of both sexes.

It all sounds kind of like fun, doesn't it?

It is, to some extent. It's not really a great film because it's too unfocused and relies on too many plot gimmicks instead of dealing more honestly with real human passions. Furthermore, there is not a single surprise in any of those contrived plot devices, except for a couple of chance meetings where the surprise is generated by total implausibility. Everything goes down just as expected until the completely predictable happy ending in which all of the couples come together. The film also suffers from some weak performances from actors who were either miscast or insufficiently talented to handle this sort of period piece. Yet, in spite of all that, I found myself swept up by the story because it believes in itself. The director felt he was making a modern day classic, a dazzling Elizabethan costume comedy with a modern spirit, ala Shakespeare in Love, with just a touch of A Knight's Tale and The Princess Bride. While the film never rises to that level, its enthusiasm is infectious and you can have a good time just letting it wash over you. Despite all the nudity, it has a PG spirit and would make a very suitable date movie.

Our Grade:

If you are not familiar with our grading system, you need to read the explanation, because the grading is not linear. For example, by our definition, a C is solid and a C+ is a VERY good movie. There are very few Bs and As. Based on our descriptive system, this film is a:



* widescreen

* deleted scenes, including extra full-frontal nudity from Kate Groombridge.







No reviews currently online.



5.6 IMDB summary (of 10)


Box Office Mojo. The film's release schedule is still being negotiated.



  • Kate Groombriodge shows her breasts and buns when she emerges from a pool after skinny dipping in broad daylight.
  • Chiara Gensini and Silvia Colloca show T&A as two lusty nuns.
  • One other nun shows a breast.
  • Mamie McCoy has a topless scene as a spiritual apparition, but it may be CGI nudity.