Ten Inch Hero

 (2007? 2008? 2009?)

by Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

This film really got my curiosity going. After all, it contains one of the year's top ten nude scenes, and it's rated high at IMDb. Good movie, good nudity ... it has to be a winner, right?

Not exactly. I failed to look below the surface.

Drilling down through the IMDb ratings reveals some interesting anomalies.

First, the top thousand voters score it only 5.1. This group is immune to ballot box stuffing because it consists of the people like me who who cast votes on hundreds or even thousands of movies and have no axe to grind for any single film or any single studio. The opinions within that group may be wrong, but they are honest in that the members of the group are not selling anything and do not stand to profit from their votes.

Second, women score it 1.7 higher than men. A gap of 1.0 qualifies a film as a serious chick-flick, and 1.7 is up there in the estrogen stratosphere. That's the third-highest score that I know of, trailing only Sex and the City (2.4) and Dirty Dancing (1.9), easily beating such vaginocentric films as Beaches (1.2), Ya-Ya Sisterhood (1.2), and Traveling Pants (1.1).

Third, the IMDb scores drop significantly after the teen years. People under 18 score it 9.4. The score drops to 8.4 in the next age group, which still includes some teenagers. It falls further to 7.1 in the first demographic group to include no teenagers.


It's essentially a tweener chick-flick, a sentimental rom-com filled with hackneyed stock characters whose individual sub-plots all come to predictable happy endings. Imagine four episodes of a WB series strung together into feature length, and you'll have the right idea. An aging hippie/surfer runs a sub shop near the beach, and his crew consists of four young people. (They sell five-inch heroes and ten-inchers. And the ten-inchers stimulate some lively and ribald, if obvious, banter with hunky customers. Get it?) The five main characters who work in the sub shop all find their true loves in the last few minutes of the film, almost simultaneously. If you watch the first five minutes of the film and can't figure out exactly what will happen to each character, it is an indication that you have never seen any other films.

Having said all of those mean things, let me add that I did not find it an unpleasant film to watch, and not just because of the lively sex scenes involving the gorgeous Danneel Harris. There's nothing wrong with a little open-hearted syrup now and then. I'd rather watch a film with some sweet sentimental moments than one with guys waving guns in each other's faces, or one where every character is a gay junkie poet with a death wish. The main characters in this film are decent human beings who form strong friendships, support one another, and learn from their mistakes. As I watched it alone, I found some of the badinage funny enough to make me laugh out loud involuntarily, and I felt better after having watched it. So it's got that whole "feel good" thing workin' for it.

That 5.1 score from the top thousand IMDb voters is too low, representing evidence of a bias toward guy-flicks in that group. It is much better than the sorts of films scored in the 5.1 range because it is pleasantly entertaining enough that a wide range of people could watch it without reaching for the remote. On the other hand, it is also unexceptional and predictable, and an overall score approaching eight should be indicative of an all-time classic, which Ten Inch Heroes simply is not. Dial M for Murder and Patton, for example, are rated 8.0. Clearly this film does not belong in that company. A reasonable rating would be about 6.0.

There are three dates listed above because Ten Inch Heroes was first screened at festivals two years ago, in the spring of 2007, and had still not been distributed in North America as of the end of 2008, neither to theaters nor on DVD. (It was released on a Region 2 DVD in Scandinavia in October of 2008.) The film's MySpace page says it "releases" in the USA in February of 2009. The authors of that page don't define what they mean by that, but I'm assuming it means a DVD release rather than theatrical distribution. If I were a theatrical distributor, I would not take a chance on this. While I personally enjoyed the R-rated aspects of the film (two sex scenes and lots of suggestive dialogue), those elements will work counter-productively for the film in North American theaters, given that it will play best with girls 10-17 and the presumptive R rating will prevent them from buying a ticket.

Awaiting DVD information













  No major reviews online


7.7 IMDB summary (of 10)


No theatrical release in North America


  • Danneel Harris shows her breasts from several angles, and the rest of her body from the side.
  • Two actors show their bums: Sean Wing and Matt Barr.



Web www.scoopy.com

Our Grade:

If you are not familiar with our grading system, you need to read the explanation, because the grading is not linear. For example, by our definition, a C is solid and a C+ is a VERY good movie. There are very few Bs and As. Based on our descriptive system, this film is a:


Competent niche market film. Will most likely play best with females 10-17.