Tease (1999) from Tuna and Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Tuna's comments:

Tease (1999) is a made for HBO film starring Rosanna Arquette, Jurgen Prochnow and Mandy Schaffer which IMDB has named Poison, and doesn't even mention the actual title. Shaffer is Arquette's daughter, and is very possessive of her mother. She kills her father hoping her mother will have more time for her. Arquette returns from winning an Oscar for best supporting actress, and confesses to the killing so her daughter won't suffer. While she is in prison for involuntary manslaughter., Mandy latches on to her teacher, and gets the teachers fiancee out of the way.


there is an extremely dark sex scene (Mandy's art teacher and her boyfriend), and a couple frames of exposure from Shaffer's body double - a clear butt shot as she drops her towel , them an out-of-focus breast and crotch as she climbs in.
Arquette is released, picks up Schaffer, and heads to the vineyard she has purchased with her partner, Prochnow. Schaffer still resents anyone who spends time with her mother. The scenery is breathtaking. Acting is very good. The plot is a little predictable, unfortunately. From an exposure standpoint, the highlight is not nudity at all, but pokies from young Schaffer. There is a double in a hot tub scene near the end who shows buns and breasts (see image 17 for proof that she had a wrap on). Her teacher is also nude in a sex scene that is too dark to do anything with. This was evidently a German production.

Scoop's note:

I suspect some key element was cut out of this film. The dead father, Michael des Barres, is billed fairly prominently in the credits and the trailer, but his role has been cut almost completely from the film. Perhaps an incest angle? I don't know, but I didn't much like the movie. As a thriller -  so completely obvious that even Miss Cleo could predict the ending. As a titillation film - almost zero - bathing suits, a brief body double, and a very dark scene with the art teacher.

The captain of Das Boot is supposed to be playing a genius in this film, with an IQ "off the chart". If he was that fucking smart, he'd have figured out a way to get out of this movie.

The Critics Vote

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The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDB readers say 4.1 of 10
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a C-. Slow moving and predictable effort, but the camera work and vineyard and water settings give a reason to see it once. (Scoop says: the only reason I can think of to see it is the lead girl in her white bathing suit. The movie is supposed to be plot-driven, but every twist is completely obvious. Very disappointing, because HBO usually comes through. D)

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