The Sexy Adventures of Van Helsing (2004) from Tuna

This is a comedy spoof from Seduction Cinema staring Erika Smith as the only living descendant of the famous vampire hunter Van Helsing. She is a college nerd and virgin, and is tasked with a revenge killing of the dread Dracoola (Darian Caine). Dracoola eventually ends up using her to recruit virgins, since the dark one needs virgin blood to retain her youthful appearance. Smith logically goes after lesbians, since they are the only likely virgins.

One of the highlights in this erotic masterpiece was Abraham Van Helsing's ghost, played by Bob McKay. He had me laughing out loud several times. The jokes had a certain intelligence, unlike most of Seduction Cinema's output. The entire film was played for laughs rather than mock passion or horror, and I applaud the decision. You have to see AJ Kahn explaining to Erika Smith what sex is, and also what carpet munching means.

It is supposed to deliver entertainment and nudity, and does both. This was clearly the funniest Seduction Cinema release I have ever seen, and there is no shortage of nudity, as all of the women on the bullet point list below show everything, except Isadora Edison, who shows breasts and buns.


see the main commentary

DVD info from Amazon

  • This is the second time Seduction Cinema has made a Van Helsing movie. (Vampire's Seduction is the other.) Both versions are on the DVD.

  • There's also some behind the scenes documentary, deleted scenes, and commentary.

  • Erika Smith, the star

  • Darian Caine, the vampire

  • AJ Kahn, as Smith's only friend.

  • Four lesbians recruited as Dracoola food, played by Andrea Davis, Jessica Abbott, Tatiana Stone, and Isadora Edison (who also played Horney the Clown in a deleted scene)

  • Misty Mundae and an unidentified actress as two participants in a three woman fantasy.

The Critics Vote ...

  •  No major reviews online

The People Vote ...

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, this is a solid C+, a top of the line film of its type. If you enjoy soft core comedy spoof, this is a must see.

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