Vampires: Out for Blood (2004) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Kevin Dillon stars in this straight-to-vid offering as a cop who has developed some major problems with drinking and anger management following his divorce. He is gradually becoming unhinged and has even been reduced to stalking his ex (Vanessa Angel).

So what does that have to do with vampires?


Knowing that Dillon is a walking time bomb, the police captain (Lance Hendrikson) gives his man the "one last chance" speech and assigns him to schoolyard traffic and missing persons, hoping to keep him out of trouble and free of stress until he returns to emotional stability. Unfortunately, the missing persons department turns out to be the center of action, when people start disappearing in record numbers. Instead of handling a boring caseload of runaway teens, Dillon finds himself in a world of raves and orgies which is used by a band of vampires to lure their prey. These bloodsuckers are not your basic bat-centric, old-fashioned tuxedoed vampires, but rather some fast-moving cyberpunk vampires who speak with enhanced voices and look like villains from the original 1960s version of Star Trek (right).

Dillon's  where he himself is bitten by the head vampire and immediately starts to turn into a fanged beast.

As it turns out, Dillon's mad descent into Vampireland is just the romantic spark he needs in his relationship with his ex, who just happens to be the world's foremost expert on vampires that look like Star Trek villains. Together they team up to battle through all the satellite vampires until they finally come face to face with the Big Cheese. They are just about to kill the all-powerful 700 year old monster when they discover a very important chapter in the Big Book of Grade-B Movie Vampire Lore. Chapter 23 states that when the Head Kahuna Vampire dies, everyone in his pack dies with him except for the one who kills him. This chapter becomes a critical plot element toward the end of the hunt, because by then both Dillon and his ex have been bitten by the Big Bat. Therefore, if Dillon kills the Senior Sucker, his ex must die as well.


I did learn from this film than Vampire Films fall into a distinct sub classification of Scoopy's Movie Candle Rule, which states that all movie candles must be lit at all times, even if they are in underground caves which have been hidden from humans for hundreds of years. If the female romantic lead invites her male counterpart over for a romantic bath, the tub will be surrounded by hundreds, even thousands of candles, all of them lit. Given the amount of time required to keep these candles maintained, I have theorized that movie characters must include an altar boy in their household staff.

At any rate, the vampire extension of this rule states that: (1) Vampires never use those short, squatty candles that you see in restaurants. (2) In vampire candle arrangements, all candles are precisely the same length and appear to be brand new. They never have any messy wax drippings, no matter how long they have been burning. I have concluded that movie vampires have either managed to find a dependable source of long-burning no-drip candles, or they employ a shitload of altar boys.

Although I have read and re-read every chapter of that book of vampire lore, I have never been able to understand why vampires are unable to use simple electric lights. They could really cut back on the altar boy staff if they would just ditch the candles and pick up some Sylvania long life bulbs from a 24 hour Wal-Mart. Not only would they save money, but this would have an additional advantage for them. When Van Helsing shows up and they need to escape in the cover of absolute darkness, they could make the entire castle dark by flicking a single switch rather than having those altar boys roam through the castle with those unwieldy candle-snuffers.


  • The widescreen transfer is anamorphically enhanced (16x9), but is not especially vivid
  • There is a "making of" featurette.



Several topless women are seen at a vampire orgy, including Diana Terranova, Bruna Rabio, Svetlana Chavez, and Coco Johnsen.

The Critics Vote ...

  • No major reviews online.

The People Vote ...

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, it's a D, a generally boring film with a generic script, hammy acting, and vampires in Halloween monster make-up.

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