One-eyed Monster


by Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

One-Eyed Monster is a horror spoof which is presented in the same spirit as Jack Frost, in that some humor derives from the fact that the monster itself is ridiculous, but the film is primarily executed as straight horror rather than comedy.

Here is the premise:

A group of adult film stars, many of them played by actual adult film stars like Ron Jeremy, Carmen Heart and Veronica Hart, travel to a remote mountain lodge to film their latest erotic epic. Some alien entity possesses Ron Jeremy's dick, which detaches itself from the rest of Ron's body and becomes the killer. The alien chose to take over a famously productive penis in order to spread its seed through earth.

Yup, an evil dick. A dick, in fact, even more repulsive than spotted dick, and nearly as repulsive as Andy.

Believe it or not, I actually enjoyed the first half-hour of this film. It's nicely photographed, funny, and offers a lot of affectionately satirical insights into the adult film industry. But once the murders begin, the movie really becomes a straightforward monster film, albeit with an unusual monster. There is some comic relief in the second half, mostly provided by film veteran Charles Napier, who celebrates his 40th anniversary in films by playing a crazy mountain man who comes to assist the adult film team in their battle against the alien-controlled dick. You may remember Napier from way back in the original Star Trek series, in an episode in which he sang "Headin' Out To Eden ... Yea, brother"

Napier's old-timer is the only other person on the mountain, but by the oddest of coincidences, he is the one person on earth most qualified for the task of penis-slaying, having lost his platoon in 'Nam when the same alien race made its previous attempt to take over an Earth dick. In a long parody of a war story, which Napier tells with straight-faced realism, he recalls having to explode his commanding officer's rogue penis with a grenade.

An odd movie.

For a film about porn films, it doesn't have much flesh. The characters talk about sex constantly, often in hilariously graphic terms, but the only actual nudity is provided by adult film actress Carmen Heart (aka Hart), who is rehearsing her big scene when the big evil dick attacks her. It isn't really clear why the dick chooses to kill her rather than to impregnate her. I guess just because he's acting like a dick.


* widescreen anamorphic

* whatever







  No reviews online.


3.9 IMDB summary (of 10)
  That score is probably sensible if one views the film sensibly, but what a joyless way to view it!




Straight to video.




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Our Grade:

If you are not familiar with our grading system, you need to read the explanation, because the grading is not linear. For example, by our definition, a C is solid and a C+ is a VERY good movie. There are very few Bs and As. Based on our descriptive system, this film is a:


One-Eyed Monster fails when it takes itself too seriously, but there are times when this film flirts with genius.