Lake Consequence (1987) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski) and Tuna

Scoop's notes in white

Lake Consequence has a small, tightly-defined target audience. It is the perfect movie for those of you who like the plotlines and characterization in porn movies, but don't actually enjoy watching hard core sex scenes. Instead of hardcore grinding, this film substitutes the  softcore, "couples erotica" feeling of Red Shoe Diaries - swirling camera movement, sexy jazz music, cutaways to exotic visuals, brief glimpse of body parts

Here's how a typical scene goes. A women is in a trailer. The vehicle attached to the trailer starts to pull away, taking her with it. Unable to escape, and unable to communicate to the driver of the pick-up, she falls asleep. When she awakens, she is in a remote area called Lake Consequence. Nobody at Lake Consequence has a phone, either a cellular or a land-line. In order for her to make a phone call, she'll need the driver of the pick-up truck to drive her "miles" into "town".

The driver of the pickup, a beautiful woman who happens to be sunning stark naked when first spied by the trailer passenger, says something like, "Nothing happens by accident. You wanted to be here for some reason. You were looking for something. I suggest we find out what it is." This leads to various sexual acts generally disapproved by the Republican Party. That whole section of the film encompasses thirty minutes of running time, but the line in quotes is the only dialogue, except for necessary mundane matters like "do you have a phone?".

"Do you have a phone?" seems to be the softcore equivalent of "I'm here to fix your washing machine."

Luckily for our trailer-girl, the nearby "town" in this remote mountain region not only has a phone, but also a massive parade for the Chinese New Year. If you want to make your own Zalman King films, your characters are required to be within short driving distance of major bacchanalian celebrations. The Chinese New Year is best, but Mardi Gras will do in a pinch. If it is summertime, it is permissible to substitute a traveling carnival with plenty of handsome, bare-chested roustabouts sledge-hammering massive stakes into the ground, while straining every muscle in their sweat-drenched bodies.

Doug Pratt's Laserdisc Reviews described Lake Consequence beautifully, as follows:

Although the housewife appeared to be living in a typical American suburb, they drive for a while and end up in a remote mountain lake that is apparently up the hill from Thailand, where they go for the evening to debauch after a busy day of skinny dipping. The image has hazes that go beyond deliberateness. A jazz score tends to fill in the vacuum caused by a lack of dialogue.

Oh, let's face it, this really is an episode of Red Shoe Diaries. It was written and directed by the Red Shoe impresario, Zalman King himself. Unfortunately, while Lake Consequence has the same amount of plot and dialogue as a typical episode of that program, it occupies thrice the running time. Since those episodes of Red Shoe Diaries seem to have been stretched just to get them to thirty minutes, you can easily imagine the slow pacing of this film.



  • DVD Info: This film is not available in Region 1. It has never been issued on DVD, and the video tape is out of print (although you can find new or used copies from resellers). The Australian DVD info can be found here. The U.S. distributor's home page can be found here.

  • Note: the link above incorrectly identifies this as a region-free DVD. It is not. It is a Region 4 PAL DVD. If you are thinking of buying DVDs from outside your region, read this first.



  • Joan Severance shows everything in bits and pieces, but her breasts are the most skin you will ever see on camera with her face.
  • May Karasun shows the whole ball of wax.
  • Billy Zane shows his bum, and is bare-chested throughout the film.

Tuna's notes in yellow

Lake Consequence (1993) is a Zalman King made-for-TV production. Think in terms of a 90-minute Red Shoe Diaries episode with no narrator and no cute dog. Joan Severance is a bored housewife and mother surviving in suburbia when she stumbles across a tree trimmer (Billy Zane) who gets her juices flowing. With her husband and son away on a fishing trip, she goes into his trailer, looking for someone to scratch her itch with, when the trailer door slams shut, and he drives off with her locked in the back.

She wakes up parked by a small lake, with no sign of Zane, but a very naked May Karasun swimming in the lake. Billy returns, and the three go into town for a Chinese New Years celebration, where she has sex with Zane in a Chinese laundry. Then, they do a three way in a bath house. Severance gets mad and tries to leave, but Zane catches her and drives her home to husband and son, after ravaging her again in a field.

I found the monotonous sax score irritating and the flash inserts jarring, and I never felt any heat among the characters.

The Critics Vote ...

  • No major reviews online

The People Vote ...

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, this is a D-. It is a porn movie without the porn. If you enjoy softcore couples erotica, this film has the basic elements of that genre, but the quality is so far below average that you would be better served by almost any other comparable material. Except for a couple of scenes with May Karasun, the nudity is not even satisfactory - just disembodied body parts seen in fleeting, hazy glimpses. If you want to see the best nudity from Joan Severance, get the "Safe Sex" episode of Red Shoe Diaries. Tuna scores it a C-

Return to the Movie House home page