Harnessing Peacocks (1993) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

This is a classic woman's romance novel, in convenient British TV-movie format.


Hebe is the beautiful daughter of a rich English couple. When she gets pregnant by a masked stranger at a costume ball in Italy, she is determined to have the baby. Her family casts her out of their lives.


Serena Scott Thomas provides full frontal and rear nudity, standing, in good natural light.

In the course of the next dozen years, she supports herself by cooking for old ladies.

Well, actually, not just that.

To tell you the truth, she makes most of her money by sucking ... um ... I mean harnessing ... peacocks. But she's not a prostitute. Oh, no. She's the mistress of very wealthy, shy men, and she leads them on the correct path to sexual prowess, which then brings out their extreme gratitude. But she's not a hooker. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But she's not a 'tute. Nosiree. She just makes a lot of money by smoking the White Owl ... er ... Peacock, which is very different from prostitution. Her profession is absolutely not prostitution, but rather "peacock harnessing", which is completely legal in England, where they abhor an unharnessed cock of any kind, pea or otherwise.

Region 2 DVD info from Amazon UK

  • no widescreen

  • no meaningful features

  • not available in Region 1

One summer, a mysterious antiques dealer takes an interest in her. He seems to know who she is and about her past. How can that be?

Are you ready for this?

He is the guy from the masked ball in Venice. He's the father of her son. He falls in love with her, they live happily ever after, and his peacock is the only one she will be harnessing.

The Critics Vote

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The People Vote ...

  • IMDB summary. IMDb voters score it 5.4/10 (males 5.1, females 8.8!!!)


The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, this is a C-. It has to be the most boring and predictable thing I've watched in months, but I'm not a member of the target demographic, and I guess it has its audience, as shown in the IMDb summary above. There is one good reason for men to to watch. Find it in the "nudity report". Serena is gorgeous, charming, and very naked in good light.

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