Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987) from Tuna and Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Tuna's comments in white: 
Hard Ticket To Hawaii (1987) is the first in a series of 12 Andy Sidaris films to be released on DVD. Produced by his wife, and written and directed by him, his production company is a true mom and pop operation. This one is a secret agent tittie flick set in Hawaii. Think of it as Charlie's Angels, except that they are not addicted to wearing their clothes, and one of them sleeps with Charlie. Donna Speir is DEA, working for Ronn Moss, and running a small freight/passenger plane service as a cover. Living with her is Hope Marie Carlton, who is in a witness protection program, but is allowed to join in on all of the violent fun. Head agent on the island is Cynthia Brimhall. The bad guys smuggle pot, and pay for it with diamonds.


Dona Speir, Hope Marie Carlton, Cynthia Brimhall and Patty Duffek all show their bosoms in good light. 

Speir shows her buns once. 

No pubes.

No male nudity.

All of the women mentioned above show breasts and buns, as does Patty Duffek in a short role. As Sidaris says in the commentary, none of these women are likely to headline on the British stage, but all have some acting ability. There is a little humor, a little sex, a little violence, a lot of flesh, and a very mean snake (the snake is gratuitous)

Also some nifty toys, such as a remote control helicopter used to deliver the diamonds. Maltin saw it for what it was, and awarded 2 stars. IMDB readers must have been expecting more like a Mitchener novel, and have it at 3.8/10. It shows lots of breasts, has a plot you could actually follow if you wanted to, humor, gadgets, etc. 

DVD info from Amazon.

  • no widescreen, but an excellent 4:3 transfer

  • Full-length director commentary

  • a 40 minute documentary on Sidaris' filmmaking techniques (lots more nudity)

  • trailers from every movie Sidaris has made

  • production stills from Sidaris' own private collection

Scoopy's comments in yellow

I agree with Tuna on the film's merit. 

Of course the IMDb members are right to note that plot is muddled and nearly incomprehensible, the snake is a hand puppet, and nobody in the entire film can deliver a line naturally, but those issues are not germane to your decision to watch this film. Here's what the film does have:

  • Four incredibly gorgeous Playboy Playmates showing off their tatas. (Only one shows her bottom, no pubes at all. As Tuna noted, it's a titty film.)
  • Clear photography of the above
  • A reasonably good context of storyline, humor, gadgetry, and characterization in which the beauties show their stuff. Not enough for a James Bond film, but enough for a film with four nekkid Hefmates
  • The gadgetry has a humorous overlay: deadly frisbees, deadly skateboarding mimes, exploding plastic sex dolls, etc.
  • Gorgeous aerial photography of Hawaii
  • Some pretty good stunts and explosions for a low-budget film.

Plus now that the film is on DVD, it is simple to fast-forward past the clothed sections 

The Critics Vote

  • Maltin 2/4

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 3.8 
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a C+ as a perfectly good tittie flick. If you don't like those, skip it. if you do like those, it's a good one.

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