Gone in 60 Seconds (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

The black-hearted comedian Michael O'Donoghue used to to an impersonation where he said "we all know who the nicest guy in show business is - Mr Mike Douglas - but what if Mike Douglas were to perform with two steel spikes hammered into his eyes ... I think it would go something like this ...." . And then he'd turn around and be Mike Douglas, screaming in excruciating pain until the director cut to a commercial.

Well, if Mr Mike were still alive, he might say "we all love MTV, but what if MTV videos lasted two hours ... I think it would go something like this .... " And then he'd play "Gone in 60 Seconds"

Although if he had the choice of the steel spikes rather than watching this movie, it would have been an option. Depends on whether he'd prefer to lose his eyes or his ears.

I wrote a couple weeks back that MI2 may have been the loudest movie ever made. Boy was I wrong! This sucker makes MI2 seem like one of those Tarkovsky movies where there is no sound at all for many minutes except the incessant drip-drip of running water. Here ya got'cher big three of noise: loud music heavy on the bass, explosions, and shifting car engines operating at stressfully high levels. The overall impact of Andy Granatelli test driving a new Formula 1 car through some military target practice, while playing Metallica full blast on the car stereo.


None, except an extra seen briefly through a window.
Speaking of the Evil Ones, I was in Best Buy today, and I saw a sign that said "Holiday DVD's". My curiosity was piqued, so I moseyed over to that aisle to tune in the Best Buy concept of appropriate holiday fare. I'm thinking maybe there will be a whole Bing Crosby tribute, but the first two DVD's on the top row were (I'm not making this up): "Jesus for Children" , and "Cunning Stunts". Cunning Stunts is a Metallica album, for the benefit of you really old, unhip farts. If you're old, unhip, and also kinda slow, it is also a Spoonerism for a much more graphic term which they can't put on an album cover - switch the first sound of the two words and you'll discover a vulgar expression for very attractive ladies. So, I'm looking at the Metallica album, thinking maybe the holiday thing is more encompassing than merely Christmas. It must include other holidays as well, like Walpurgisnacht and Bob Guccione's birthday.

Back to the point. How does a movie like this make so much money?

I don't even know if they had a script - just a premise. And a pretty tired one, at that. An old master criminal comes out of retirement for one more job. (Gee, there's an original idea). He and his boys have to steal 60 specific cars in a short period of time in order to save his brother's life.

DVD info from Amazon.

Widescreen anamorphic, 2.35:1.

Full-length commentary, but by the producer! (???)

Trailer, music video, action highlight reel, lots of behind-the-scenes stuff

I guess this could have been interesting if they had found some creative ways to do that, and had made it a fun mental exercise, but we basically just see fifty tight close-ups of car ignitions with loud music playing, and the music continues while they are racing to their official top secret hiding place for high-profile stolen cars.

The ending is great. After Cage rips off 50 cars in one night, and leads police on a high-speed car chase through L.A. that probably results in the deaths of about 200 cops while destroying more city property that the last big earthquake, the investigating cop chucks Nic Cage under the chin and says "I know you did it because you love your brother. Now get oudda here, ya big lug"

The Critics Vote

  • General consensus: less than two stars. Ebert 2/4, Berardinelli 2/4, Maltin 1.5/4, Apollo 80/100. Heaven only knows what was going through the mind of the Apollo critic. perhaps he accidentally saw "Gone With The Wind" instead.

  • Rotten Tomatoes summary. Only 22% positive overall, and a similar 25% from the top critics.

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 6.1, Apollo users 76/100.
  • With their dollars ... this movie was highly successful. It cost $90 million to make, but brought in $101 million domestic, and $129 million overseas. As I write this, with the year nearly over, it is the ninth highest grossing movie in the world this year.

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