Formula 69 (1984) from Tuna

Formula 69 (1984) is an abysmal hardcore in every way. I looked at it because when I reviewed Toolbox Murders, I had several requests for films featuring Kelly Nichols from her hardcore career. 

Kelly is supposed to be secret agent Jamie Bond in Formula 69. Two lesbians are posing as sex therapists, and have invented a perfume that turns women into dykes and men into Shakespeare-spouting love slaves. Kelly, with the help of her partner, is to stop the Sapphics from taking over the world. Her partner never manages an erection the entire film, despite a good 15 minutes of blow jobs. The actor that plays the head of the agents is so bad, he makes Elvis look like Barrymore.


hardcore sex film
no DVD info currently available
The film would be worth watching with a group, to make fun of it, if not for the fact that the sound is mushy, with lots of hiss, and is painful to listen to. Give this one a wide berth.

The Critics Vote

  • no reviews online

The People Vote ...


IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is an F. Poor film, poor quality, lame sex.

Return to the Movie House home page