Fiona (1998) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski) and Tuna

Scoop's notes


Anna Levine has had a strange career. As a high school senior, she posed topless for Scavullo, and the resulting image was an impressive pre-Raphaelite vision in curls and oversized eyes, a kind of fresher-looking hybrid of Carol Kane and Laraine Newman

Then she floated through Hollywood for about twenty years with no nudity and essentially no work - a complete fringe player, with roles like "third woman in bar", "waitress", "person in elevator", "girl in 3f", etc. This got her into some great movies in the 80's, although you wouldn't remember her in them.

Finally, around 1995, she started taking off her shirt at the same time they started giving her lines. She was approaching 40 at the time, but she had a special look that is hard to create artificially. She looks like she fought life and lost. If you saw her, you'd think she was a junkie or a worn-out 'tute or an alcoholic, and yet she maintains a certain femininity underneath the exterior, which conveys an impression of a woman who is not a hard street character, but rather a lost and faded beauty. Her way-too-thin frame and massive chest, coupled with her unique "look"  managed to get her plenty of roles shootin' up and drinkin'. Current rumor has it that she's the Jerry Lewis of the new millennium - a cult star in France, despite her obscurity in the USA. The IMDb reports that she's on her way to France to begin a new career there.

Oh, yeah, the movie. Typical hand-held 8mm Amos Kollek cinema verite crap. Real hookers play the parts of hookers in a slice-of-life drama about the bottom feeders in the river of life. It's for the turtleneck set only, but includes extremely explicit sex and nudity  - as much as in the pioneer porn films like Green Door. The best example is that it includes a threesome scene with an on-screen BJ. Now THAT's entertainment. 

The time has come for my compilation film. Decades ago, they made a film called That's Entertainment with just the famous songs from various movies, then another called That's Dancing with just the hoofing, but I think the world is now ready for That's Blowjobs, with just ... well, you know.

I've written the theme song already. Sing along with me, to the tune of That's Entertainment

Call 'em "French"

Call 'em "blowjobs" or "sucks"

Give me head

I don't need any fucks

Make 'em cheap 

like below twenty bucks

Hey, hey, that's blowjobs



DVD info from Amazon

  • bare-bones, not even a widescreen transfer



Substantial - see the main commentaries. In addition to what is mentioned, there is a gyno-cam shot for Anna Levine and a blow job on camera!


Tuna's notes

Fiona (1998) is a cinema verite shockudrama story of a hooker/addict in New York.

Before I started the film, which has been praised for gritty realism, I expected that the title character would come from a bad childhood, would be essentially unhappy with her life, skinny from the drug use, and a lesbian. Unfortunately, that is exactly what I found. I was surprised to see her shoot three cops because they were arresting a guy she didn't like, but the film was mostly what I expected. 

Fiona was played by Anna Thomson, who showed everything in several scenes, including a lesbian encounter, a bath with another woman, and various other sexual situations. Alyssa Mulhern as her girlfriend from the crack house also showed pretty much everything. 

I found it slow, predictable and depressing. 

The Critics Vote

  • no reviews in English

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 6.4.
  • With their dollars ... judging by the massive number of German reviews online, it had a theatrical release there in 2000, but I have no box office data
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a C- (Tuna). Barely watchable social realism. Scoop says "D or worse, arguably F". 

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