Deathstalker (1984) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

It's not a well known fact, but Deathstalker is the only movie ever made with a budget under a dollar.

Of course, all fantasy films have exactly the same plot, so the only things that distinguish them is how much money they spend on the production, and how much humor they bring to it. 

This one cost nothing, takes itself quite seriously, and lets the individual scenes go on far too long relative to their value in the plot development. Of course, the scene length often exists to allow more gratuitous nudity, so it isn't without some entertainment value. 


Lots of extras appear topless in brothel-type action, mud wrestling, and other important background activity

Barbie Benton is topless in two scenes

Lana Clarkson is topless in a dark blue-lit sex scene with Stalky

For reference, the all-purpose plot is:

In order to gain all power in the universe, it is necessary to re-unite the three pieces of the Holy Cow, thereby allowing the possessor of all three parts to obtain the Full Rizzuto, as written in the sacred Book of Ish in the scriptures of forgotten Kabibble. The bad guy wants to do this so he can control all time and space, thus enabling him to get free cable, increase the homestead exemption on his drafty old castle, and increase the size of his penis by one to three inches guaranteed. The muscle-bound good guy must prevent him from doing this. Usually the good guy has something that helps him, like a magic sword, or one-third of the Holy Cow, or the Sacred Key to Kyser, ancient college of all musical knowledge. The Kyser Key is the only magic more ancient and more powerful than the Kabbible Ish.

Simply change the words, and you have your own Conan adventure. 

DVD info from Amazon.

  • no widescreen

  • bare bones

The only thing that really makes this particular version of the story watchable (and I use that word guardedly) is the nudity. Without the breasts of Lana Clarkson and Barbie Benton and many extras, this film would be completely lacking in entertainment value, except for an evil, carnivorous sock puppet which provides some bad movie value.

But it does have that nudity

The Critics Vote

  • Maltin 0/4.

  • did one of their comprehensive reviews

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 3.2 
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, this film is a C- as a titty film. It presents some breasts in a context that isn't entirely unpleasant. As a Sword and Sorcery film, it is no higher than a D, maybe much worse. It looks cheap, and it lacks the campy, absurdist humor of Deathstalker 2.

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