(aka Black Ops, 2008)


Lord knows I have no problem with double-genre crossover films. My script for Loan Wolf ("mortgage broker by day, werewolf by night") makes me proudest of anything I have ever written. In fact, I hear it may be back up on the front burner again because of its timeliness during the current mortgage crisis. It gives Americans real comfort to know that the meltdown of their lending institutions is not caused by their own sloth, the corruption of their leaders, or the avarice of their corporations, but rather by werewolves.

I am having some script problems with the sequel, though, since the wolf gets killed in the first film and the mortgage crisis is averted at the end of the film by government intervention. I'm thinking of having him come back to life as a zombie werewolf, but he'll obviously need a new profession. Maybe I'll make him a maverick cop who doesn't play by the rules. And by that I mean the cop rules, not the werewolf or zombie rules, which are actually quite flexible. It makes sense for him to balk at filing all of his arrest reports, because zombies hate to fill out paperwork.

Particularly when they can smell fresh brains nearby.

Having established my sympathy for multi-genre entertainment, however, I still think it's kinda silly when a film which spends its first half developing a plot about the U.S. military's struggle against the top al-Qaeda terrorist then makes a crazy 180 in the middle when the Americans free the terrorist so they can team up with him against an immortal Nazi ghost. I mean, would Hulk Hogan have teamed up with the Iron Sheik?

The Americans, by the way, are confident of victory in this quixotic struggle because "even ghosts have to follow the rules of nature and physics."

Er ... like, for example, human mortality?

That gives me another script idea. What if he is a maverick immortal Nazi ghost who doesn't play by the rules of physics?

I think you have probably already determined that this film is pretty far-fetched. It's also quite claustrophobic since it takes place almost entirely within the hull of a disabled WW2-era battleship. You see, the CIA can't really get any good torturing done any more, not even in Gitmo, because of those pesky liberals, so they re-commission a floating museum to active service and keep it permanently at sea as a base for black ops, far from the prying eyes of the press and Democratic legislators. This naval museum turned interrogation chamber is the very same ship which once transported a German super-soldier, who was the result of the medical experiment gone awry toward the end of the great war. The super-soldier was tortured on this very ship, and the new round of torture ...

Oh, I don't know. Does it matter?

The important thing is that the immortal Nazi goes on a brutal slaying rampage, the ship goes incommunicado, and a rescue team is sent on board, headed by rugged Lance Henriksen. Ol' Lance is sent on the mission with the knowledge that his own son, a naval enlisted man, was assigned to the crew of this very ship. Lance's swabbie son turns out to be unconscious, but alive, and the weird part is that he's a 40-year-old British guy! (I'm not kidding.)

One of the rescuers is a woman (Katherine Randolph). She gets covered in the blood of one of the victims, so she does what I think any of us would do on a disabled ship filled with brutally eviscerated bodies, the most dangerous al-Qaeda terrorist, and an immortal Nazi ghost. She isolates herself from her colleagues, sets down her weapons, gets naked and takes a shower.

And it's probably a very cold shower, since the ship was drifting and powerless.

I have to be honest and admit that this film actually looks pretty good and Henriksen brings some laconic, world-weary macho credibility to the special ops team, so it's not an incompetent film by any means. By the standards of straight-to-vid actioners, the acting and direction are above the norm.

But, damn, is it a silly idea.


* widescreen anamorphic








  No major reviews online.


n/a IMDB summary (of 10)
  Not enough votes for a score.





Straight to DVD.





Katherine Randolph's naval shower scene is edited to show a minimum of skin, so there are no views down below, but there are some fleeting glimpses of the upper deck.



Our Grade:

If you are not familiar with our grading system, you need to read the explanation, because the grading is not linear. For example, by our definition, a C is solid and a C+ is a VERY good movie. There are very few Bs and As. Based on our descriptive system, this film is a:

low C-

Dumb idea, but OK execution.