Buying the Cow  (2002) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

Buying the Cow is a tidy little relationship comedy about a doofus in search of his soul-mate.

It seems that when our hero was about 19, he met his dream girl at an airport in the Caribbean. She wrote to him, he wrote back, and it turned out later that she was only 11 years old. Despite that scandal, he's never been able to free himself from the memory of seeing her and feeling overwhelmed by a mystical sense that she was the girl for him. Since his current relationship has never given him that same sense of magic, he feels a vague longing to wander. As time goes on, he determines that he doesn't really want to wander, but rather wants to find a true soul-mate.


Ryan Reynolds is VERY naked in two lengthy scenes.

There is no female nudity except some unrevealing looks at Milano, who is topless but not showing anything

The plot thickens when his best friend becomes engaged to - you guessed it - the 11 year old from the airport, now quite filled out. She doesn't recognize our hero, but in the course of a dinner she reveals her side of the airport story, in which she portrays herself as a traumatized 11 year old who was being assaulted by some old doofus. Why then did she write back? She didn't. She threw away the address card, but her 9 year old sister retrieved it from the trash and started the correspondence, because she thought the airport stranger was romantic and cute. What does this mean? Perhaps the nine year old, also now filled out appropriately, is really his soul-mate.

DVD info from Amazon.

  • widescreen anamorphic 1.85:1.

The film is not a classic, but it has enough heart, enough laughs, and a clever enough plot structure to provide 90 minutes of light entertainment. The cast is a solid list of comic performers in their late twenties and early thirties, led by Ron Livingston of Office Space, Jerry O'Connell of Body Shots, and Ryan Reynolds of Van Wilder.

It isn't consistently good, but the film was redeemed for me by two great comic turns: from Reynolds as a compulsive womanizer who now thinks he may be gay, and Alyssa Milano as a sarcastic stripper.

The Critics Vote

  • 1.5/5

The People Vote ...


The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.

Based on this description, C. Solid but unexceptional youth-oriented sex/relationship comedy. Not a great comedy, and not very consistent, but it has its moments, and is a pleasant diversion if you like this kind of film.

Return to the Movie House home page