Bite Me! (2004) from Tuna

Bite Me: Big Bugs with Bad Attitudes is the latest EI Independent Cinema release. I have talked much more in the past about their "Seduction Cinema" soft-core offerings, but they also maintain a "Shock-O-Rama" label which includes an interesting mixture of B movie low budget horror that they produce in-house, and horror classics that they acquire the rights to. This one was written, directed and edited by one of their in-house auteurs. IMDb suggests that this is a horror movie, but you'll be disappointed if you expect either a straight up horror film or a soft core sex film with a horror backdrop. It actually is quite a brilliant little horror comedy. The by-line hints at its appeal -- everyone in the film has an attitude.

The plot line is simple. Some potent pot has been grown as part of a government experiment; it has been stolen; and two stoners are delivering it to a strip club called the GoGoSaurus, which has been built under a 40 foot high dinosaur. Mutant spiders escape, and cause them to crash. The dope is delivered anyway, and the spiders end up loose in the strip club.

I really don't want to give away anything, but this is the sort of humor that had me in hysterics. Stripper Erika Smith will not wear her glasses on stage, not because of vanity, but because she gets too nervous if she can see the crowd. Unfortunately, she is nearly blind without them, and falls right off the stage into a customer's arms. When another man picks a fight with him, he tosses her to the floor with a thud. The female bartender ends up kicking the crap out of both men and a few others.

It is sitting at 3.1 at IMDb, and I can't imagine why. All of the reviews linked give it near perfect marks. This is, by far, the most entertaining release I have seen from EI Independent Cinema, and hopefully there will be more comedies to come. Good writing, reasonable acting, a little nudity, corny spiders, a little stop motion animation and decent photography add up to a really fun film. Even people who hate horror movies will find themselves laughing at this one.



The film stars Misty Mundae, who is the only one to show any bush, but we also have breasts and buns from

  • Julian Wells, who will take over the club if the current owner can't meet his mortgage

  • Caitlan Ross, a barely conscious chain smoker and the least energetic stripper ever to fall asleep on a pole

  • Erika Smith as a near-sighted stripper.

The Critics Vote ...

  • No major review online. Several genre reviews are linked from the IMDb page.

The People Vote ...

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, this is a B-. Amazingly funny for a lowball offering.

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