American Pie 5: The Naked Mile (2006) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski) and Tuna

Scoop's notes

OK, let's get this out of the way. Placing American Pie in the title is a shameless rip-off. This is just a generic youthploitation film. The two lead characters are an innocent high school senior and his rowdy college-aged cousin. The only connections to the American Pie films are that both main characters are named Stifler, and that they run into "Jim's dad" (Eugene Levy, milking the role for every paycheck he can get.) Levy's character makes some references to things which took place in the earlier films, but the connections are perfunctory and unnecessary. The references have been cobbled in clumsily just so the distributors can profit from the titular connection to the familiar and beloved franchise. To be blunt, it's branded "American Pie" because the investors think that will sell more DVDs.

Enough of that.  You probably already knew all that, didn't you?

The bottom line is that I didn't care about that because the film is fun to watch. I enjoyed it far more than Band Camp, its predecessor in the American Pie straight-to-disc brand extensions. It is absolutely filled with gorgeous naked women, including three of the central characters. The famous "Naked Mile" itself takes up ten minutes of screen time, and the filmmakers inserted naked chicks every place where it was even remotely conceivable. Talk about gratuitous nudity! At one point three high school girls are talking. This conversation could take place anywhere, and has nothing to do with physical education class, but is set in the locker room in order to show a beautiful and well-stacked extra walking by stark naked. Right on!

There are also the usual comic set pieces one would expect from a raunchy youthploitation comedy. There are various bodily fluids being sprayed inappropriately. There's a drinking contest, a hard-on maintenance contest,  and an intramural football game against a rival fraternity which consists entirely of little people. There are several fun things about the kids' rivalry with the dwarves. First of all, the little men are all obnoxious and totally unsympathetic. Second, the main characters lose the game to the vertically challenged grid stars. In fact, not only do the little guys win the football game, but they also steal some women from our heroes, and then beat one of the Stiflers to a pulp! The fact that the little guys are arrogant and surly allows the other college guys to go nuts with politically incorrect insults for them, and they are constantly being referred to in such derogatory terms as "the Lollipop Guild" and "those Oompa-Loompa motherfuckers." And for the ultimate in political incorrectness, wait until you see how the rowdy Stifler cousin finally gets revenge against the evil head dwarf!

There are several other funny scenes as well, but the mushy core of the film is a sentimental teen love story about a boyfriend and girlfriend who are both virgins. He's ready to end that. His virginity is particularly embarrassing for him since (1) every single person in high school knows about it; and (2) he's a Stifler, the only wuss in the entire Stifler family. Let's be honest, the kid is just not Stifler material, as illustrated in the following:

I think the innocent love story plays out OK. It's not highly original, but it has a few good touches which I won't spoil for you, and it gives the film some tender moments which offer a pleasant relief from the drunken fraternity hijinks. It also gives the film some characters to act as an anchor for our point of view. The rowdy Stifler cousin provides the fun, but he's not vulnerable, so the nice-guy Stifler cousin performs the same function as Jim in the original American Pie series. He's the guy who goes for our hearts. And that's OK by me. The genre kind of demands it, the franchise absolutely demands it, and the script made an effort to make it entertaining.

From the foregoing, it should be obvious to you whether you would enjoy this film. It's obviously not targeted at the PBS audience, and you will not be asked to prove Mensa membership in order to rent the disc, but all in all, I found it a very easy watch, with plenty of out-of-control juvenile raunch, politically incorrect and sophomoric humor, and dozens of naked beauties. My kind of guilty pleasure film!



  • Commentary by director Joe Nussbaum and cast members
  • "Little People, Big Stunts" featurette
  • "Life on The Naked Mile" featurette
  • Outtakes
  • Deleted and extended scenes
  • "Yoga Guide for Getting Girls" featurette - exclusive to Unrated Edition
  • "The Bare Essentials" featurette - exclusive to Unrated Edition


  • Some hundred male and female extras are naked in the actual running of the Naked Mile, exposing all body parts except penises.

  • The four main male characters show their bums.

  • Three of he four main female characters show breasts and buns: Candace Kreslak, Angel Lewis, and Jacyln A Smith. 

  • At least three women with minor roles show breasts: Michelle Cormier, Stephanie Sexton, and Alyssa Pallett.

  • There is full-frontal female nudity in the high school locker room.

Tuna's notes

My taste and Scoop's seem to be nearly identical - except when it comes to comedies. This is no exception. While I didn't mind it, I wasn't nearly as impressed as Scoopy. Bodily fluid jokes just leave me cold. I liked the love story aspect perhaps more than he did, and it did show very nicely just how potentially damaging peer pressure can be to teenagers, but I found the basic premise hard to swallow. I can't believe that a college would welcome three high school kids with open arms, and that they would score with the hottest chicks in the school. It's also hard to believe that they would be drinking in a bar after the naked mile run.

On the other hand, the film meets or exceeds all genre requirements. Once you have the nudity, drinking, and fart and bodily fluid gross-out jokes, you have met genre requirements. This goes the extra naked mile in the nudity department, and at least tried for some character development and depth to the characters.

At any rate, the raunchy teen comedy is in decline, and I'm glad anyone at all is still making them, even inferior ones.

The Blues Brothers, 2006 style:

The Critics Vote ...

  • No major reviews online


The People Vote ...

The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

Our own guideline:

  • A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre.
  • B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. In order to rate at least a B-, a film should be both a critical and commercial success. Exceptions: (1) We will occasionally rate a film B- with good popular acceptance and bad reviews, if we believe the critics have severely underrated a film. (2) We may also assign a B- or better to a well-reviewed film which did not do well at the box office if we feel that the fault lay in the marketing of the film, and that the film might have been a hit if people had known about it. (Like, for example, The Waterdance.)
  • C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by people who enjoy this kind of movie. If this is your kind of movie, a C+ and an A are indistinguishable to you.
  • C means it is competent, but uninspired genre fare. People who like this kind of movie will think it satisfactory. Others probably will not.
  • C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie, but genre addicts find it watchable. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film, but films with this rating should be approached with caution by mainstream audiences, who may find them incompetent or repulsive or both. If this is NOT your kind of movie, a C- and an E are indistinguishable to you.
  • D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-. Films rated below C- generally have both bad reviews and poor popular acceptance.
  • E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre.
  • F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well.


Based on this description, this film is a C, solid 80s-style youthploitation film. Ignore that IMDb score, which is nonsense unless you're an elderly nun or a Baptist minister. It's fun. There's plenty of skin, plenty of raunchy laughs, a sentimental core, and a football team full of evil dwarves. That covers the genre's four basic food groups.

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