The Wisdom of Crocodiles (1998) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
|The Wisdom of Crocodiles, aka
Immortality, stars Jude Law as the latest in a string of
new-age vampires. In this case, he's so romantic that he
must drink the blood of someone who loves him perfectly,
because if he doesn't he tastes all of their
disappointment, all of their resentment, each of their
grudges, and he is not properly nourished. "Love is
what I eat", he offers.
Tough situation, because once he finds the woman who is the love of his life, he has to kill her to stay alive.
Yeah, I know it sounds pretty bad, and in a way it is. The premise is certainly far-fetched, and it allows the character to become some kind of an ultra-romantic schoolgirl fantasy - an Ann Rice character, as it might be played by Fabio, or in this case, current heartthrob Jude Law.
|In the first fifteen minutes of the film,
we see Jude knock off a couple of girlfriends. The fact
that he's lost two in the past six months, and didn't
even report the second one to the police, has raised the
suspicions of a couple of dogged policeman.
The older police officer takes it upon himself to tail the Fabio Vampire when he is courting his current flame, and this leads to a couple of direct confrontations in which they establish something which resembles a friendship, in which Fabio Vampire saves Dogged Cop's life once, and shows him some other kindness at various times.
|The dramatic tension in the film comes
from two elements. First, will Fabio Vampire elude the
cops? Second, will he spare the life of his true love, as
he intends to, or will his animal instincts take over and
compel him to dine on her blood? The title of the film
refers to the fact that Fabio Vampire appears to be
human, but underneath has the brain and instincts of
other orders of life, like the crocodile, which feed on
other lives, even their own offspring, simply because
they must do so in order to maintain their own lives. So
when he truly loves someone, his human nature is at war
with his reptilian nature.
The film is impressive in some ways.
as I watched this movie twice in the last week, my
initial enthusiasm for its odd approach dampened
significantly, because I realized how slowly the film
moves, and how little energy it has. The good
performances, the unique look, and the effective musical
score make it seem a lot better than it really is. It has
lots of style, but no life. It has great individual
elements, but they don't form a great composite. It has
an excellent execution, but of a silly idea.
It's good to look at, and good to listen to, but in the last analysis, I thought it was just too slow, and the ending was just too predictable and unfulfilling to manage the whole romantic concept. Miramax let it sit on the shelves for two years because they doubted its commercial viablity, and they were right to do so. On the other hand, if you are looking for something different, have no objection to arty non-commercial films. and the synopsis intrigues you, you might find it to be your cup of tea, because it is professionally executed.
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