Vampires: The Turning (2005) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)

A young couple is on vacation in Thailand. They are watching a Muy Thai competition when the woman gets soaked with blood and sweat from a particularly effective blow. She tells her boyfriend, "we have to talk." It turns out that they want different things in life. He wants to be splattered in blood while watching fights from ringside, and she wants ... well, pretty much anything else. Certainly anything that involves staying dry. She walks away. In reply to his question, she states that she is going "home."

Unfortunately, the walk home from Thailand to Piscataway, New Jersey is fraught with many perils: sore feet, long swims, and of course vampires. She is abducted by the local vampire motorcycle chopsocky gang, and her boyfriend resolves to get her back. He is one tough Muy Thai mofo but, unfortunately for him, vampires have super strength to go with their own martial arts skills, not to mention sharp teeth and cool bikes in a rainbow of colors to match their glowing eyes. There is only one thing he can do - become transformed into a vampire so he can equal their strength and hope to outperform their fighting skills.

He therefore seeks out the chief vampire chick who is kind of Vampire Zero - she originally created all the other vampires, but now fights against them because they have used their vampire ninja powers to kill and taunt people instead of just hanging around and whining about being immortal and never getting to wear a wedding dress. Fortunately, there is a little known proviso in the Vampire Code which stipulates that vampirism can be undone if the reversal occurs during a certain eclipse. She's been waiting for that moment for eight hundred years, hoping to undo all the vampires she created. Since it just so happens that the eight hundred years is up the next day, she can turn our hero into a temporary vampire, although she warns him against the dark forces that will struggle to keep his soul in Vampireland. She further advises him that the biting process also includes some really hot sex, so he shrugs off the risks and proceeds to have some steamy bat love with another woman in order to work on his relationship with his abducted girlfriend ...

This film is supposed to be a sequel to John Carpenter's Vampires. I don't see much connection, except that some vampire hunters show up for a couple of minutes. The rest of the film: blah, blah, yadda, yadda, good vampires, bad vampires, bad actors, worse actors, vampire hunters, confusion, overlong fight scenes, etc.

The 3.6 score at IMDb should tell you all you need to know. There is one good point to the film - it has a nice rich look. The set designer and cinematographer did their jobs well, and it has some of the best lighting ever seen in nighttime action. Unfortunately, their output was not employed properly in the sex scene, which was killed in the editing room by dissolves and excessive snipping.



  • Widescreen anamorphic (16x9)
  • No meaningful features
  • The transfer is very satisfactory



Stephanie Chao shows her breasts underneath a transparent top, and then completely uncovered in an over- edited sex scene.

The Critics Vote ...

  • No major reviews online

The People Vote ...

  • Straight to video
The meaning of the IMDb score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics, or a C- from our system. Films rated below five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

My own guideline: A means the movie is so good it will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not good enough to win you over if you hate the genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an open mind about this type of film. C means it will only appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but will be considered excellent by genre fans, while C- indicates that it we found it to be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable). D means you'll hate it even if you like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if you love the genre. F means that the film is not only unappealing across-the-board, but technically inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C- that often, because we like movies and we think that most of them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below C-.

Based on this description, it's a C-. Genre fans will admire the look of the film. All others are advised to avoid it at all costs.

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