Student Confidential (1995)
A couple of weeks ago, in a short blurb about the movie, Terror
Firmer, someone used the line "awful even by Troma standards". Well,
if Student Confidential (1995) were the standard by which all other
Troma films were judged, Terror Firmer would be that company's
Return of the King.
You cannot believe what a muddled mess this movie is. There this
guy, see. And he's a millionaire with a whacko nympho of a wife, but
she won't screw him and even though she lolls around the house all
nekkid and stuff, she gets pissed when he looks at her. And he
becomes a school counselor and gives all kinds of high-minded
speeches to no one in particular and gets the shit kicked out of him
by a bunch of guys who he hired in the first place or something
and... None of it makes a lick of sense.
The way I figure it, a floridly psychotic individual wrote a long
screenplay in which the scenes that did make sense were broken up by
scenes that were just plain fruitcakes, so someone else cut out all
the craziness and they made a movie that turned a profit. Then
someone else had the idea of taking all the lithium-deprived scenes
that had been cut in the first movie, filming THEM and selling it as
another movie by a writing genius. Things aren't random but there is
such temporal and logical oddness you just know it was written,
filmed and edited by someone with two functioning neurons and one
active synapse. It is the only way to explain what you see when you
look at Student Confidential.
Three women do take off their clothes.
see the main commentary
- Susie Scott, Hefmate for the month of May 1983, goes full frontal
on us in her one and only screen appearance outside the videos the
Hefster markets himself. Susie plays a student who is unpopular with
the guys 'cuz she has a facial scar, which I could not see at all.
Plus the idea that a blonde with her bod couldn't get any action
because of a tiny imperfection violates the Blonde Rule (which
states that if you put a blonde wig on a rat's ass there are plenty
of guys who will ask it out for a date).
- Paula Sorenson plays the millionaire-counselor's nympho wife. She
also has a right nice full-frontal scene.
- Elizabeth Singer plays the rich bad girl, a character all teen
movies must have or they risk causing a fatal rip in the space-time
continuum. She gets almost topless in a scene with the millionaire
guy and then does get topless in a much later, much darker scene.
available on DVD
I know not what the Troma guys were up to when they did this one.
None of their films reach the standards set by MGM or Paramount, but
usually there is something to hang onto. Not here.
Critics Vote ...
|The meaning of the IMDb
score: 7.5 usually indicates a level of
excellence equivalent to about three and a half stars
from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm
watchability, comparable to approximately two and a half stars
from the critics. The fives are generally not
worthwhile unless they are really your kind of
material, equivalent to about a two star rating from the critics,
or a C- from our system.
Films rated below five are generally awful even if you
like that kind of film - this score is roughly equivalent to one
and a half stars from the critics or a D on our scale. (Possibly even less,
depending on just how far below five the rating
A means the movie is so good it
will appeal to you even if you hate the genre.
B means the movie is not
good enough to win you over if you hate the
genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an
open mind about this type of film.
C means it will only
appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover
appeal. (C+ means it has no crossover appeal, but
will be considered excellent by genre fans, while
C- indicates that it we found it to
be a poor movie although genre addicts find it watchable).
D means you'll hate it even if you
like the genre.
means that you'll hate it even if
you love the genre.
means that the film is not only
unappealing across-the-board, but technically
inept as well. Any film rated C- or better is recommended for
fans of that type of film. Any film rated B- or better is
recommended for just about anyone. We don't score films below C-
that often, because we like movies and we think that most of
them have at least a solid niche audience. Now that you know
that, you should have serious reservations about any movie below
Based on this description,
this is about a Z.
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