Skyscraper (1995) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
|If Thomas Edison, the father of motion picture technology, could come back to us in 2001 and evaluate the proudest moment of his baby's first full century, he would have a difficult choice. Would he pick a compelling instance of live reporting, like Jack Ruby's murder of Oswald or man's first steps on the moon? Would he choose a timeless cultural treasure like Tarkovsky's Andrei Rublev or Ken Burns' Civil War series? Would he choose a top-notch entertainment picture like The Wizard of Oz or Singin' in the Rain? An artistic triumph like Grand Illusion?|
when all was said and done, he'd have to brush those away as minor
achievements, and cast his vote for Anna Nicole Smith's performance as
chopper pilot Carrie Wisk in Skyscraper.
Unless, of course, he had time to screen Shakes the Clown.
|Actually, this movie is a
grade-z Die Hard rip off, with ANS as Bruce Willis. It seems to be
filmed on home video tape, with the kind of simple credits you can add
on your home VCR. It has the same look and feel as a typical 70's cop
show, except the acting is much worse, mostly thanks to you-know-who.
The rest of the cast isn't that impressive either. It isn't enough
that they have the accents all wrong, but they keep changing them from
scene to scene. The serious scenes are comical and the comic relief is
just plain surreal. For example, there is a would-be cop named Dudley
"Do" Wright, who keeps impersonating Dirty Harry and
twirling his guns. Good stuff.
I, for one, will rest easier tonight, knowing that whenever Fabio lookalikes with fabulous hair and fake German accents terrorize the skyscrapers on these shores, they are no match for good old-fashioned American counter-terrorism techniques, like large breasts, and crawling through ducts, and large breasts.
|Anna appears to be reading her lines
off cue cards, and she makes discernible and inappropriate pauses when
they flip the cards, like athletes reading PSA's. For example:
excuse me for believing in .......
walks in the park
You might get a kick out of it when one of the bad guy recites a poetic monologue, and ANS immediately identifies the speaker as Shakespeare's Henry IV
Return to the Movie House home page