Nancy has fired everyone associated with the show, and it is now being run entirely by her and her "newsman" lackey, the unctuous and rhetorical "Scoop" Cronkite. Hired by Nancy to produce the big stories, he goes out and covers The National Ice Carving Championships and Chili Cook-Off. ("Cutting the ice and the cheese"). "Amid the landscape of ice and beans ....." Well, let's just say it ain't exactly Project Mercury. Cronkite's big scoop is that the U.S. national championships have been won by three Swedes, who swept all the trophies, possibly by bribing the judges. The three Swedes look alike, but then again so do all Swedes. Live segments are cut into the film from the championships.

Segment Two: Scoop Cronkite and the News

Scoop, now the show's anchorman, reports that the Ayatollah has iterated that he will not remove the bounty on Salman Rushdie, but clarifies that it applies not just to Rushdie, but to all people named after game fish. The Ayatollah had condemned Rushdie for blasphemous writing, but also announced an additional list of people condemned for blasphemy.

• Patrick Swayze condemned for blasphemous acting.
• Prince condemned for a blasphemous moustache.
• Andy Rooney condemned on general principles.
• Daffo the Clown also condemned, for reasons unclear at this time, for a bounty of thirty four dollars including shipping and handling

Segment Three: Mr. Science interview and TV clip. Mr. Science is a Nobel prize winning scientist who specializes in explaining complex scientific concepts to children. In response to some of Nancy's questions, he responds that 97% of all pollution is caused by the breath of cute little baby harp seals. "The cuter they are, the more pollution they cause". The only way to stop them from polluting is to clout them on the head repeatedly with a large club. He also explains that scientists have found that the duration of human life is directly correlated to the silliness of one's lawn ornaments. The sillier they are, the longer one lives. Mr. Science also has brought a clip from his show (right).

Segment Four: filmed promo for new shows on the Nancy Network

Featuring "Bowling for Shelter", where you strike for warmth but an open frame leaves you (studio audience screams) "out in the cold"