film acknowledges upfront that the plot makes no sense" - Pop
- Slant Magazine
unoriginal" - Reeling Reviews
Remember, those are excerpts from the 33% positive
reviews, not the 67% bad ones.
Of course, all of those reviewers did go on to say
some positive things, but the above phrases don't normally occur in a
positive review, do they? The point is this - if the people who liked the
movie said it was brain-dead unoriginal nonsense, you can imagine
what the others said. And you can deduce that you will not like it
unless you believe that frenetic action, cool sets, and loud noises are enough to make
up for incoherence, stupidity, and unoriginality.
DVD info from Amazon
by Talent and Filmmaker
• Production notes
• Theatrical trailer(s)
• 5 Exclusive Featurettes
• Music Video: "My Plague" by Slipknot
• Widescreen anamorphic format, 1.85:1
I've never been an advocate of celebrities taking
diction classes and learning to talk with high-falutin' faux-British
speech, ala Streisand and Madonna. But I've changed my mind. Milla
Jovovich needs to take voice and diction classes.
She is a good actress. I have heard people say she
is a good singer. She is beautiful. She is willing to work hard on a
role and to do whatever is necessary for the film, including being as
ugly as the scene demands. Everyone in the business says she has a
great work ethic.
But her soft, slurred little girl voice and Valley
Girl accent have to go. She's Kevin Costner in a prettier package.
Every time she opens her mouth, I think I'm listening to Milton, the
mumbly stapler guy from Office Space.
How often to you visit a video
arcade and watch someone play the same game for 104 minutes?
Sounds stupid to me as well, but it has a real advantage over
watching this film. You can watch the video game it is based on
for free. A lot of money went into the special effects and CGI,
but, with frequent use of close-up and frenetic action, it still
had the look of a first person POV game display. As Scoopy
mentioned, most of the main characters didn't even know who they
were, we see early on that nothing we learn from the film is
necessarily true, and there is a sameness to all of the action.
The dialogue would be within the ability of an English as a
second language preschooler, and the only message, if there is
one, is that corporations are bad. I already got that message
from the 10 o'clock news.
So what does that leave us with? Milla Jovovich. Near the end of
the film, there is a much talked about scene where we get an
extended look between her legs. I went through the scene, frame
by frame. I am not sure what I saw. It is clearly the right area
for vulva, possibly pubic hair, and possibly a hint of labia,
but I saw no anatomical detail in any scene. Barbie has more
definition than I saw here. It is my suspicion that they did
minor digital blurring, possibly to prevent an NC-17. Scoopy
liked this one rather more than I did. As it was clearly not
required of the script to make sense, they had room for infinite
creativity, but managed none. To me, it is a slickly made piece
of junk. It made me yearn for something much more exciting, like
watching my hard drive defrag.
note: I don't think it is technically possible to like this less
than I did. I gave it a C because that is approximately what it
is by our definition. Personally, I hated it. It's a one star
zombie movie. 'Nuff said.
General UK consensus: one
star. BBC 3/5, Daily Mail 0/10, Daily Telegraph 3/10,
Independent 4/10, The Guardian 1/10, The Observer 2/10, The
Times 6/10, Evening Standard 2/10, The Sun 2/10, The Express
1/10, The Mirror 4/10
- with their dollars: it grossed $39 million
despite scathing reviews, but that was not up to expectations
for a $33 million budget, and a 2500 screen rollout.
guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of
excellence, about like three and a half stars
from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm
watchability, about like two and a half stars
from the critics. The fives are generally not
worthwhile unless they are really your kind of
material, about like two stars from the critics.
Films under five are generally awful even if you
like that kind of film, equivalent to about one
and a half stars from the critics or less,
depending on just how far below five the rating
guideline: A means the movie is so good it
will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not
good enough to win you over if you hate the
genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an
open mind about this type of film. C means it will only
appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover
appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you
like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if
you love the genre. F means that the film is not only
unappealing across-the-board, but technically
inept as well.
As much as it pains me to say
so, based on this description, this
film is a C. It is pretty good for a high-tech zombie movie. If you
actually like non-gothic zombie movies, you will probably like it. For the
other 90% of you who don't like zombie movies at all, well, it's
a zombie movie and the average score was one star. (Tuna C-)