I guess you regular readers know that
I've never had anything much good to say about a vampire film and, by
golly, this is no time to start.
|In this one, the vampires
have virtually no ability to trap and kill their prey. Ol' Bela Lugosi
would just kind of look women in the eye and hypnotize them to do his
bidding, but these vamps have to use a date rape drug. Then after they
slip their date a Mickey Finn, they don't have the strength to kill
with their teeth, so they use knives. Sometimes they bypass the entire
vampire ritual and just start gunfights, or just hang around
gunfights, and eat those left on the battlefield.
shows her buns in a sex scene. (In which she multiplies
|I think one of them even
opens up a pizza franchise which substitutes blood for tomato sauce.
Asia Argento was born to play a
vampire. My mom always said if you're going to do something, do it
better than anyone. And by God, Asia is not just regular ol' Eurotrash,
but the absolute all-time queen of Eurotrash.
She thinks Tommy Lee is a classy guy
- and a little light on the tattoos.
||In addition to her giant distinctive
tats in her most intimate areas, she has never been within five miles
of a gym, and has probably never been out during the day. Come to
think of it, would you be at all surprised if she really was a
guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of
excellence, about like three and a half stars
from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm
watchability, about like two and a half stars
from the critics. The fives are generally not
worthwhile unless they are really your kind of
material, about like two stars from the critics.
Films under five are generally awful even if you
like that kind of film, equivalent to about one
and a half stars from the critics or less,
depending on just how far below five the rating
guideline: A means the movie is so good it
will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not
good enough to win you over if you hate the
genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an
open mind about this type of film. C means it will only
appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover
appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you
like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if
you love the genre. F means that the film is not only
unappealing across-the-board, but technically
inept as well.
Based on this
description, this film is a C-. Gimmicky gangster-vampire film
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