from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
not sure if the Guinness folks have started that record for "most
clichés" yet, but this movie could be a contender.
First of all, you
have all the "Halloween-type" clichés. Something awful
happened 15 years ago. Some people did something awful to somebody
else. Now, 15 years later, a revenge situation is occurring.
Then you have all the
haunted house clichés. Eight seemingly spoiled kids decide to spend
the night in a haunted house. They are brutally murdered one by one.
Who could the murderer be?
the two stories wind together?
The guy who was
killed 15 years ago was eliminated because seven corporate
directors needed his land. They have now become incredibly rich
The kids in the
haunted house walk past an old homeless lady who says "you
kids think you can do anything because your parents run the
company". Aha, these are the children of the murderers, now
Brooks and Andrea Langi are topless at various times. Brooks
does a sex scene near the intro. Langi does a sex scene
followed by a shower.
Now here's the math
portion of your bad movie SAT.
There are eight kids
in the haunted house. There are only seven directors in the company.
Who is the eighth kid?
If you guessed the
daughter or son of the murder victim, you scored 800.
I don't think I have
to tell you which one of the eight kids survives the evening, and I
think you probably know who the murderer was.
Avoid this movie
guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of
excellence, about like three and a half stars
from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm
watchability, about like two and a half stars
from the critics. The fives are generally not
worthwhile unless they are really your kind of
material, about like two stars from the critics.
Films under five are generally awful even if you
like that kind of film, equivalent to about one
and a half stars from the critics - or less,
depending on just how far below five the rating
guideline: A means the movie is so good it
will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not
good enough to win you over if you hate the
genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an
open mind about this type of film. C means it will only
appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover
appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you
like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if
you love the genre. F means that the film is not only
unappealing across-the-board, but technically
inept as well.
Based on this
description, this film is a D. It isn;t that awful, and would have been a C- if made
in 1968, but it's gone down because you've already seen it.
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