The Great New Wonderful (2005) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
You regular readers know that we have found the IMDb sub-ratings to be
a marvelous tool to measure the estrogen content of movies. The
popular movie site provides not only a general rating for each film
based on all voters, but also various breakdowns by age, sex, and
place of origin. After having studied these ratings for many years,
we've concluded that the estrogen level can be calculated quite
precisely by subtracting the male rating from the female rating. The
fundamental equations of film estrogen algebra are
In other words, the movie estrogen level (ME) is the difference between the female rating and the male rating. If the ME is one or higher, meaning the female score is one full point or more higher than the male score, it's a chick-flick. The female/male differential is the key to the equation, not the overall female rating, because a film rated high by women is not automatically a chick-flick. Let's take two major examples:
Example One: The Notebook is probably the most popular film in history with females under 18. That group rates it a remarkable 9.3, compared to 9.2 for Amelie and 8.9 for Gone with the Wind. Women in general rate The Notebook 8.7. That makes it a film which is extremely popular with girls and very popular with women, but we find this to be just short of chick-flick status, because men rate it 7.8, and 7.8 is high enough to get a film into the top 250 of all time! By the way, for reasons unclear to me, IMDb does not list this film in its top 250, even though it has a very high score based on a very large number of votes (more than 20,000). It should be somewhere in the 130s on the Top 250 list, as the following comparison demonstrates:
IMDb does not reveal the secret behind their calculations, but there seems to be no credible explanation for the disparity between these two films.
Example Two: Amelie may have the highest overall female rating of any film. Women rate it 8.9, compared to 8.7 for The Notebook, 8.6 for Gone with the Wind and 8.5 for The Godfather. We do not consider Amelie a chick-flick, however, because men rate it 8.6. That means it would be rated in the top 25 of all time even if women were not allowed to vote at all. It just happens to be a great film that women like slightly better than men.
Here are some examples of films that really are chick-flicks, with the female/male differential listed in parens:
If you are familiar with those movies, you will be surprised to know that none of them is even close to the all-time movie estrogen champion, which is Dirty Dancing at 2.0. The good news for guys is that watching the Swayze dancefest with a woman almost guarantees that you will get laid. The bad news is that watching it will lower your testosterone to such a minimal level that you'll want to cuddle and watch Oprah instead. Plus you won't want to kiss anyone after the film, because it makes you vomit a little in the back of your throat.
OK, I'm finally getting to the point of this whole digression. The Great New Wonderful has a movie estrogen level of 2.2. You're going to need some time for that to sink in. Like the size of the physical universe, it is a concept which cannot be imagined by even the most sophisticated human brain. That means it has twice as much estrogen as the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. The theoretical physics of movie estrogen postulates that it will simply not be able to sustain that level without imploding upon itself like a black hole.
Fortunately for me, it is a film which consists of five separate stories, and the special features on the DVD allow one to watch the stories separately instead of watching the full-length theatrical version, which has all five stories intercut. Since there was nudity in only one of the stories, I watched only that one. It was a narrow escape for my masculinity, because many states allow convicted rapists to watch all five as a form of voluntary chemical castration, and watching even three is almost sure to turn one gay, especially if the selections include the one with Olympia Dukakis. While watching one of them did not turn me gay, I did get a sudden craving to eat a banana, and instead of biting it off a bit at a time, I felt an urge to just slide the fruit far down my throat while pursing my lips over the center of it. After I finished that, I suddenly had an urge to go to Blockbuster and rent "Andy Dick in Concert." Fortunately, my daughter intercepted me, sensed the problem, and dragged me to one of those drafthouse theaters, where she forced me to watch a Lee Marvin film festival and to wash down a big-ass burger with several brewskis. I soon recovered.
Oh, yeah. The film. I almost forgot. The film consists of five warm, human stories of New Yorkers trying to cope in the aftermath of 9/11.
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