Gone in 60 Seconds (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
|The black-hearted comedian Michael
O'Donoghue used to to an impersonation where he said
"we all know who the nicest guy in show business is
- Mr Mike Douglas - but what if Mike Douglas were to
perform with two steel spikes hammered into his eyes ...
I think it would go something like this ...." . And
then he'd turn around and be Mike Douglas, screaming in
excruciating pain until the director cut to a commercial.
Well, if Mr Mike were still alive, he might say "we all love MTV, but what if MTV videos lasted two hours ... I think it would go something like this .... " And then he'd play "Gone in 60 Seconds"
Although if he had the choice of the steel spikes rather than watching this movie, it would have been an option. Depends on whether he'd prefer to lose his eyes or his ears.
|I wrote a couple weeks back that MI2 may have been the loudest movie ever made. Boy was I wrong! This sucker makes MI2 seem like one of those Tarkovsky movies where there is no sound at all for many minutes except the incessant drip-drip of running water. Here ya got'cher big three of noise: loud music heavy on the bass, explosions, and shifting car engines operating at stressfully high levels. The overall impact of Andy Granatelli test driving a new Formula 1 car through some military target practice, while playing Metallica full blast on the car stereo.||
the Evil Ones, I was in Best Buy today, and I saw a sign
that said "Holiday DVD's". My curiosity was
piqued, so I moseyed over to that aisle to tune in the
Best Buy concept of appropriate holiday fare. I'm
thinking maybe there will be a whole Bing Crosby tribute,
but the first two DVD's on the top row were (I'm not
making this up): "Jesus for Children" , and
"Cunning Stunts". Cunning Stunts is a Metallica
album, for the benefit of you really old, unhip farts. If
you're old, unhip, and also kinda slow, it is also a
Spoonerism for a much more graphic term which they can't
put on an album cover - switch the first sound of the two
words and you'll discover a vulgar expression for very
attractive ladies. So, I'm looking at the Metallica
album, thinking maybe the holiday thing is more
encompassing than merely Christmas. It must include other
holidays as well, like Walpurgisnacht and Bob Guccione's
Back to the point. How does a movie like this make so much money?
I don't even know if they had a script - just a premise. And a pretty tired one, at that. An old master criminal comes out of retirement for one more job. (Gee, there's an original idea). He and his boys have to steal 60 specific cars in a short period of time in order to save his brother's life.
|I guess this could have
been interesting if they had found some creative ways to
do that, and had made it a fun mental exercise, but we
basically just see fifty tight close-ups of car ignitions
with loud music playing, and the music continues while
they are racing to their official top secret hiding place
for high-profile stolen cars.
The ending is great. After Cage rips off 50 cars in one night, and leads police on a high-speed car chase through L.A. that probably results in the deaths of about 200 cops while destroying more city property that the last big earthquake, the investigating cop chucks Nic Cage under the chin and says "I know you did it because you love your brother. Now get oudda here, ya big lug"
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