Formula 69 (1984) from Tuna
Formula 69 (1984) is an abysmal hardcore in every way.
I looked at it because when I reviewed Toolbox Murders, I had several requests for
films featuring Kelly
Nichols from her hardcore career.
|Kelly is supposed to be secret agent Jamie Bond
in Formula 69. Two lesbians are posing
as sex therapists, and have invented a perfume that turns women into
dykes and men into Shakespeare-spouting love slaves. Kelly, with the
help of her partner, is to stop the Sapphics from taking over the world. Her
partner never manages an erection the entire film, despite a good 15
minutes of blow jobs. The actor that plays the head of the agents is
so bad, he makes Elvis look like Barrymore.
hardcore sex film
|no DVD info
The film would be worth watching with a group, to make
fun of it, if not for the fact that the sound is mushy, with lots of
hiss, and is painful to listen to. Give this one a wide berth.
guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of
excellence, about like three and a half stars
from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm
watchability, about like two and a half stars
from the critics. The fives are generally not
worthwhile unless they are really your kind of
material, about like two stars from the critics.
Films under five are generally awful even if you
like that kind of film, equivalent to about one
and a half stars from the critics or less,
depending on just how far below five the rating
guideline: A means the movie is so good it
will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not
good enough to win you over if you hate the
genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an
open mind about this type of film. C means it will only
appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover
appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you
like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if
you love the genre. F means that the film is not only
unappealing across-the-board, but technically
inept as well.
Based on this description, this
film is an F. Poor film, poor quality, lame sex.
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