Firehouse (1986) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
Robbins Recipe: Police Academy meets Porky's, except a lower level of
The most interesting thing about this 1986 titty movie is whether Julia Roberts made her screen debut in this turkey. She is listed in the cast by the IMDb, although she is not listed in the credits. Some of the IMDb members swear she is in it, others deny it. Beats the heck out of me. I couldn't make a firm conclusion either way, even after watching it. She would have been 18 at the time.
I know for sure that she isn't one of the nudie cuties, but I can't say for sure on a couple of the dressed girls.
|The (lame) premise of this
comedy is that the worst fire company in the city is about to be
changed by the city's new hiring practices. Three female firefighters
join the crowd. The guys resent them at first, but .... well, you can
figure the rest.
The central conflict is that someone is deliberately burning down buildings in that part of town, and it turns out to be a consortium which includes the boyfriend of one of the new female firefighters. Meanwhile, she's falling for someone else, and feeling great compassion for the displaced people in that neighborhood. I think you can fill in the blanks here as well.
|I mentioned earlier that
this flick is less sophisticated than Porky's or the later Police
Academy films. I'll bet you thought that wasn't possible, but it is.
The cast is all one-timers and amateurs. Of the three stars, Gianna
Rains was in two other films in the 1987-88 period, in minor parts,
then disappeared. The other two girls can point to this film as their
entire career. Their folks must be proud. We hope that they are now
doctors or investment bankers, or something prestigious, and can try
to forget the Firehouse portion of their lives.
It's bad when amateurs do drama, but it's worse when they do comedy. They all end up making Larry Storch facial expressions and waving their hands around frenetically, like Al Jolson singing "Toot Toot Tootsie Good-bye" in fast forward. If Charlie Callas were in this movie, he would have the part of the dignified senior member of the crew. Skipper and Gilligan seem like characters in a Strindberg play compared to these performances. Shemp Howard and Pauly Shore would look away in embarrassment if they saw this.
|If bad performances aren't enough to
scare you off, it's also pretty darned offensive. I know I'd be really
ticked off if I were Irish. I never get offended if they have an
ethnic character and he indulges in some exaggerated stereotypical
behavior. Lord knows, I hate that politically correct shit, and I
think we all need to learn to laugh at ourselves as well as at Patrick
Swayze. But this movie has not one exaggerated Irish buffoon, but
several, praying and drinking away and talking with those ludicrous
Sargeant O'Hara accents. "A foine top o' ta marning to y', m'
You get the picture.
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