Dinosaur Valley Girls (1996) from Tuna

Dinosaur Valley Girls (1996) is categorized as Action/Adventure/Comedy/Sci-Fi, and is a low budget exploitation film directed by Donald F. Glut (rhymes with toot). Equally unknown for his acting, he also wrote this one. I viewed the Uncut Directors version. I assumed there would at least be plenty of nudity. You should never assume anything. Perhaps the most amazing thing about this film is that Glut is actually proud of it, and has a second side to the DVD for Special Features, and a full length directors commentary, with such useful comments as "Look how the cell phone changed from tan to black between the two scenes. The rental company was out of tan phones the second day."

Let me have a go at the plot. An out-of-shape Kung Fu movie hero has a girlfriend who is trying to use him to land a big part. He is absorbed with a dream he has about a prehistoric valley with dinosaurs and a cave girl who loves him for his body -- not his connections. While visiting a museum to learn more about dinosaurs and possible figure out what is causing his dreams, he makes a wish on a medallion and ends up in dinosaur valley. There, the dinosaurs are mean, the men fight and fart, and the women live elsewhere. He saves the life of the women who has been in his dreams, and she paves the way for him to get along with the women. There might be some other nuance ... oh, yea. They have sex, but mostly off-camera. The prehistoric women do show their boobs from time to time.


toplessness from Arkeni, denise Ames, Griffen Drew, Michelle Stanger and many unnamed extras
 The dinosaurs are a combination of stop-motion animation of hand painted plastic models, one actual animated model, and some real lizards. There are two reasons for the real lizards. First, one of them was the personal pet of the director. Second, they serve to show how bad the stop motion animation really is. Shot in the scenic wilds of San Fernando Valley, a cave in Griffith Park and on a soundstage, scenes of the same terrain look totally different depending on what is superimposed on the foreground (actor, dinosaur model, anamitron or real lizard).

DVD info from Amazon.

bare bones

Important things I learned from this film:

  • Prehistoric women all wore black Spandex thongs under their fake animal skin loincloths.
  • Breast enhancement was available long before we ever suspected.
  • The militant anti-smokers date back 1,000,000 years.
  • Women will put up with anything - even flatulence and poor hygiene -- if their man learns to kiss them.
  • Writting and delivering dialogue is much easier if everyone is using a made-up language of two syllable words. Which is still far more complex than the single syllable English spoken by our hero.
  • Prehistoric bras go on and off far more easily than modern ones (even a dinosaur took one off).
  • Not every film that is "so bad" is "good."

For those of you that can't wait to buy this one, there is some good news. There is lots of nudity. 

The Critics Vote

  • no reviews online

The People Vote ...

  • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 6.4, based on an insignificant number of votes. It should be far lower. 
IMDb guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of excellence, about like three and a half stars from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm watchability, about like two and a half stars from the critics. The fives are generally not worthwhile unless they are really your kind of material, about like two stars from the critics. Films under five are generally awful even if you like that kind of film, equivalent to about one and a half stars from the critics or less, depending on just how far below five the rating is.

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