Massacre in Dinosaur Valley
(1985) from Tuna
| Massacre in Dinosaur Valley (1985) is a Brazilian
film directed by an Italian that I watched on a German DVD in
perfectly-dubbed English that I purchased from Finland. It is about
time for people to realize that this is truly a global economy, and
end this regional coding nonsense.
The main purpose of the film, of course, is
nudity, and the lovely Suzane Carvalho is topless for most of
the film, and also shows bush and buns. Two unidentified models
also show the three Bs, and some native women are also topless.
| Although we do have some wildlife, a little gore,
and one scene of cannibalism, this film is either a comedy or an
adventure or both. A professor and his daughter are heading into the
forbidden Dinosaur Valley, and paleontologist Michael Sopkiw convinces
them to let him come too. Also on the plane are a testosterone driven
but impotent Vietnam vet and his drunken wife, two models, and a
photographer. The plane crashes, and several are killed instantly The
jungle takes its toll on many of the others, including a lovely
piranha attack, cannibals, alligators, and jewel poachers. The film
includes one of the best camera angles I have ever seen for a foot to
the nuts kick, shot from between the legs, with the target area just
above frame. In another favorite scene, Sopkiw comes to the aide of a
model being groped by a drunk, and two 7 foot muscle builders kick his
ass with authority.
|not available in
The film is variously known as A Baixeda dos Dinosauros, Cannibal
Ferox 2, Perdidos no Vale dos Dinossauros, Stranded in Dinosaur
Valley, and Nudo e selvaggio. Also, the DVD I purchased was titled
Amazonas. IMDB readers praise it as a genre effort, and admiring the
charms of Carvalho. I agree on both counts, and was pleased with the
quality of the DVD transfer.
guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of
excellence, about like three and a half stars
from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm
watchability, about like two and a half stars
from the critics. The fives are generally not
worthwhile unless they are really your kind of
material, about like two stars from the critics.
Films under five are generally awful even if you
like that kind of film, equivalent to about one
and a half stars from the critics or less,
depending on just how far below five the rating
guideline: A means the movie is so good it
will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not
good enough to win you over if you hate the
genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an
open mind about this type of film. C means it will only
appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover
appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you
like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if
you love the genre. F means that the film is not only
unappealing across-the-board, but technically
inept as well.
Based on this description, this
film is a C+.
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