Bless the Child (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
|Well, it's Christmas in movieland, and the
star of Bethlehem has finally re-appeared after all these
years. And you know what that means, don't you, kids?
It's the Antichrist, yet again. Kim Basinger's sister had
a baby when the star appeared, but she's a junkie, and
she has no idea who the father is - some guy with funny
feet and a tail and some really high grade smack - so she
dumps the baby at Kim's house.
Danger, Will Robinson.
But ol' Kim is not suspicious, even though a child is born to a junkie and an unknown father, and the moment of her birth caused the star of Bethlehem to reappear. Nope, nothin' unusual there.
It turns out in this reworked mythology that Anti has great powers, but may use them for good or evil. Also, Anti is a little girl. Somehow, the Antichrist playing with Malibu Barbie doesn't strike the same fear into mankind as the whole horns and pitchfork motif that he used to use. In fact, most people just make Anti sit in the corner when she's done something naughty like causing Italy to be consumed by fire.
"Now, Antichrist, how many times have I told you to pick up all the slime and poop after you send one of those frog rains? I've had just about enough of your little Satanic pranks, young lady."
Of course, the appearance of the Antichrist is a great relief to Uma Thurman, unless there can be two. But I think it works like Highlander, and there can be only one, so all that Gregorian chant that follows Ethan Hawke around must be something else.
|Well, this Antichrist has some amazing powers, let me tell you. For example, you know those things that are full of water and say "Welcome to Cleveland" and when you shake them it looks like a snowstorm? Well, Anti can make the snow swirl around without shaking them! And she can get James Bond to drink his martini stirred.||
|They finally defeat
Satan when the Archangel Gabriel and FBI agent Jimmy
Smits team up with that perfect combination of ectoplasm
and bullets. In fact, they were so good together that ABC
is going to create a series for the horn-blowing Seraphim
and the tough Latin cop, tentatively titled "Jesus
and Jesus", except the frst one will be pronounced
JEEZ-iss and the second one hay-ZEUS
The Blockbuster Awards nominated this for two. Kim Basinger for best actress married to a guy who will soon leave the country, and Christina Ricci's bra for best supporting performance. I may have changed the wording of those awards a hair, but they really exist.
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