Anthony's Desire (1993) from Brainscan
Went to the zoo a while back. Visited the hippo exhibit. One of
those giant beasts was wading around in his pool when he let loose
with the kind of defecatory event possible only when a half-ton
animal eats fifty pounds of hay and vegetables every day of its
life. A brown jet expanding in clear blue water. Ugliest damn thing
I ever saw.
Until I watched Anthony's Desire.
Anthony's Desire is one weird-ass, bad mofo-ing movie. Or maybe it is
one bad-ass, weird mofo-ing movie. No matter. It is weird, it is bad and it is
mofo-ing. Here's what I can tell you about it.
So the guy shows up, boffs one gal played by Mihaella Stoicov two minutes after he spots her, boffs another gal after a lengthy angst-ridden romance that reminded me of adolescence at its worst, and he boffs a third gal (I think) on stage. Why on stage? Because that is her performing skill - she's one of the six nekkid gals who just sorta loll about or play string instruments or boff mysterious, brooding strangers. All of this is occurs as a documentary crew works in the background ... a crew whose director wrote, produced, edited, directed, catered, gaffed and best-boyed the very movie we be watching. That guy, by the name of Tom Boka, sported the worst mullet in the history of haircuts. Made the singer of Ache-ee Break-ee Heart appear suave and sophisticated by comparison. Anyway, Tom meant for us to view Passion and Desire and Want and Need in a whole new light when he was done making this masterpiece; he wanted to create a story of loneliness and conflict and brooding flavored with arty prose and fine music. And he did such a terrific job of it all he was asked never to write or direct or produce or edit or appear in another movie ever again. So resounding was his success with Anthony's Desire that he was probably also asked never even to watch another movie or buy a movie ticket or sign up for Netflix.
The major task of doing all the lonely, conflicted brooding fell on the shoulders of one Doug Demarco, who played the role of Anthony. And brood he did. Intensely, obsessively, with all the range of A to B in his performance. One of three movies ol' Dougie was in during his long Hollywood career. Ah, the virtue of raw talent.
So Tom and Doug made a real mess of this movie,
dragged it down to the fetid hippo pool of movie history. Fully half
the movie involves long, lingering shots of Doug's brooding face or
monologues meant to be so terribly serious they sink with the kind
of gravity never seen outside of collapsed stars.
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