Actress Apocalypse (2005) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
Actress Apocalypse is a backyard-quality mockumentary
about some people making a backyard-quality film. The filmmaking
problems portrayed in this film are supposed to be reflective of the
actual problems encountered in the making of a companion film, I Am
We are supposed to be watching the process of making a no budget horror film called "Clearwater Canyon." The director of that film is a self-important buffoon, his brother is a druggie who wants to be the casting director just so he can try out the whole casting couch scene. The boom man is a flaming gay guy who failed in the acting auditions, but really wanted to be part of the show. He is known only as "The Golden Terror." All of them seem to have escaped from a lunatic asylum.
As the pseudo filmmakers audition their cast, they end up killing a couple of actresses by accident.
If you have a vast quantity of drugs set aside for a special occasion, you might consider breaking them out for a screening of this film, which has all the production value of a home movie without any of the competence. It reminded me of the "underground" films I used to see in Greenwich Village back in the 1960s. The careers of the "actors" seem to consist of either (1) this movie only; or (2) this movie and the companion film by the same director. The general sense of amateurishness is further exaggerated by colored filters, quick edits, fish-eye lens effects, deliberately blurred focus, loud heavy metal music, and other sorts of late-60s, half-mad half-psychedelic kitsch.
To be fair, it is probably not fair of me to point out how bad the film is since it is undoubtedly meant to be as bad as possible. You see, it is not only an accurate portrayal of some crazy guys making a very poor film, but the truly inside joke is that it is also supposed to be a bad documentary about making a bad film. As one character says to the camera, "The director doesn't realize that the documentary is not about the making of the film. The documentary IS the film."
Whatever. The fact that it the incompetence is intentional doesn't keep it from grating on one's nerves after a few minutes.
Imagine, if you will, a bunch of 15 year olds hanging out at somebody's house with mom and dad out of town, taking some LSD, then deciding to make an impromptu movie without a script. The picture in your mind is very similar to this movie.
Except a lot better.
The film does have one major plus for an exploitation flick - a vast quantity of nudity from three women with great bodies. There is plenty of nudity in the film, and even more in the deleted scenes. In fact, a lot of work went into the preparation of the DVD. There is one whole discrete CD of the music from the soundtrack, and there's approximately two hours of additional filmed footage in the extra features. Strung together, the bonus footage would be longer than the actual movie. The extra features include:
In other words, there is a grand total of some three and a half hours of this insanity. Is that better than sixty minutes of it? Well ... debatable. Maybe not. Maybe if you were to edit all this footage down to the best sixty minutes, it might be sort of ...
... nah, what was I thinking?
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